Goin’ bananas

We’re simply too far north for magnolia trees. I say this from nearly 50 years of observation and in spite of magnolia being the middle name of our youngest grandchild. But, when I think of what glory those blossoms offer in decorating our back yard, I smile.
Moving days are stressful. There’s little I personally recall about the day we claimed the old brick house on East Grand as home (other than the challenge of moving that old player piano). The best thing about that moving day was the magnolia tree in full splendor along the driveway – its pink and white blossoms beckoning us as if to say, “Welcome home!”
That was decades ago. With few exceptions, that has been about the only year that a late frost didn’t convert the vibrant, colorful blossoms into a brown mush littering the ground. It happened again with last Friday’s snowfall. So, sitting here in proper social spacing at home alone, I got to thinking about the challenges in tree planting.
Each year we plant something that has no chance at all of being there the following spring. We’ve done it for years. It gives the neighbors something to talk about. It’s a homeowner’s tradition and traditions are perhaps more important than ever in these strange COVID-19 times.
We planted apple trees, trying to make every available space productive on our small town lot. The Jonathan trees even survived a few years despite the acidic back yard soil due to the accumulation of ashes from the Longwood furnace dumped there for years from the previous property owner. Nobody missed the apple trees when we finally cut them down … except birds and the worms.
Then we went decorative. The tree tag said Bradford Pear but eventually what grew was a hybrid of some sort that produced mealy apricots. It was truly amazing how something that looked so sickly actually survived a couple of summer droughts before falling to the axe.
We’re not totally inept. There’s a perfectly shaped sugar maple east of our garage that has grown to spectacular grandeur, especially when showing off her colors each fall. Heartened by that success, we planted another on the west side of the same garage. It’s alive and thriving. But, let’s face it, there’s little fame in getting a maple tree to grow anywhere in Missouri.
Our best success is when we don’t plant trees at all. The redbud trees surrounding our backyard deck just sprouted on their own. We had the good wisdom to keep from running over them with the lawnmower and, as they say, the rest is history.
The tallest tree in our back yard is an ash tree which sprouted on its own, with roots nourished from an old clay tile sewer line running away from our house. We’re just waiting around for the emerald ash tree borer to visit. Last fall our state officials put Daviess County on alert as neighboring counties of Dekalb, Caldwell and Harrison all were listed with confirmed infestation. They say since its discovery in the USA, the emerald ash borer has killed hundreds of millions of ash trees in at least 34 states.
So, odds are we’ll soon be facing decision time again. We’re probably going to have to try planting trees again. Since whatever we try usually fails, I’m gonna go out on a limb (er.. sorry, no pun intended). I’ve decided to plant a banana tree.
Remember, you read it here first.
All my kids and grandkids know how I hate bananas. But as I age I get muscle cramps for no particular reason, and I’m told that’s due to low potassium levels in my blood. That figures. Bananas are rich in potassium. I haven’t eaten a banana in years.
I read where a healthy person can consume at least seven-and-a-half bananas before reaching the recommended 3,500 mg of potassium per day. I said healthy, not particularly smart.
There are many foods that have more potassium than bananas: avocados, sweet potatoes, spinach, watermelon, coconut water, white beans, black beans, and more. Evidently, the spinach I have the gals put on my Subway sandwich isn’t enough; my watermelon consumption is mostly in response to the hot weather during July and August. I don’t think I’m alone. It’s no wonder our society depends on pills.
So, perhaps there’s not much I can do in the way of solving COVID-19. But, ponder this, I’m beginning to think of planting a banana tree as a civic duty – something not only that could benefit me but help others during these stressful times. If I can prove that a banana tree planted in North Missouri can make it until Christmas on its own, then maybe we can figure out a plastic wrap/heater thingamajig that we can market, hopefully for $19.99 plus shipping. I can see the online marketing strategy now: “…be among the first to a healthier future by planting a pure non-GMO tree delivered to your door from near the heart of Missouri’s Amish country. Buy American – go bananas!”
I’ll let in you on this, partner — if you’ll grow the banana trees, I’ll handle the marketing and selling the thingamajigs.
Now think. Before you say my COVID-19 too much home alone is showing, think opportunity. What’s the glory in planting something that will grow here? Notoriety and fame await you if you get a banana tree to grow here. You’ll become a YouTube sensation. And here’s the real bananas: Everyone these days seems to agree there’s glory in that.