Off the Editor’s Spike: Spring cleanin’ … by Darryl Wilkinson

Mr. Rooney was a mainstay on the CBS News program 60 Minutes for over 30 years. His final regular appearance on the show was in October 2011; a month later he died at the age of 92. Andy was a bit of a character and frequently opened his segment with “I get a lot of interesting junk.”

Andy’s quip repeatedly comes to mind as spring cleaning gets underway. This year’s effort goes a bit beyond normal as I attempt to step into the next stage of life with more days away from the office than being tethered here. The throw away pile already has been worked down more than once. Decisions on what to keep and what to throw away don’t always come easily because, like Andy, I’ve got a lot of interesting junk.

There’s a lump of metal setting on my windowsill. I received it years ago when the Civil War rifle cannon on our courthouse lawn pointed directly at the newspaper office. The guy stopped by trying to sell this small heavy ball as an authentic cannon shell. He didn’t seem to notice the ballpeen hammer marks which, obviously, pounded the lump into a round ball. He also didn’t know that a rifle cannon usually shot a projectile, not a cannon ball. But I did. He left without even taking his memento with him, and it’s reminded me ever since not to just swallow every story that comes walking into the door.

I’ve got a 1984 quarter with a hole punched in it. This allowed its owner to tie it to a string in attempts to retrieve it from the coin slot on our vending machines. I’ll bet this is the same guy who, once the vending machine opened, grabbed a handful of newspapers rather than taking just one.

There’s a boomerang I’ve already removed from the office and taken home. It was a gift, with bright colors on the tough piece of wood. As you may know, a boomerang is used by the Australian Aborigines as a throwing club. The one I have is that kind which can be thrown so as to return to the thrower. I’ve saved it all these years to remind me how throwing criticism always seems to boomerang back (that’s why I took it for prominent display at home).

I simply don’t have the heart to throw away dictionaries, even when they predate my arrival to Gallatin. But what do you do with a Webster’s New World Dictionary of the American Language copyrighted in 1970 or an American College Dictionary printed in 1963?

There’s also a 10-volume Time-Life series on photography on the shelf. They look impressive and still too informative to just throw away. The shelf right above holds film cameras and lenses of little value now in this digital age. I shudder to think of the hours I’ve spent alone in the darkroom. That now seems like such a waste of time, especially considering the alternatives a young guy might have chosen whenever he could have successfully enticed his gal into such private confines.

There’s a paper cutter over in the far corner of my office. The base is in great shape but the bearings on the roller blade are worn out. We used this cutter extensively to cut paper galleys to be waxed on the back side for positioning on page layouts back in the good ol’ days. I’ve emailed the manufacturer requesting replacement parts but with no response. In this throwaway world my guess is that any such request only draws a chuckle.

The most interesting junk in my office are things I don’t actually own. There’s a handsome award honoring former publisher Wesley L. Robertson as an inductee to the Missouri Press Hall of Fame (in October 1998). “Uncle Wes” died as a newspaper martyr after being shot just before Christmas in 1919 for what he wrote in the Gallatin North Missourian.

I’ve got a lot of interesting junk. Lots of historical paperwork and some junk needs to be reorganized. The best junk is kept in a wooden Army  footlocker which has “E.C. Binney” stenciled on its outside. Any old-timer here knows what Earl Binney meant to Gallatin. There’s also useless junk like plans to convert the former Hales Market building into a community center and artist renditions of historical displays once proposed for the Rotary Jail.

We used to get a lot of ink pens with North Missourian information printed on them. These samples came free, with the suggestion “Great for gifts to your customers.” Maybe they would be – if most of them weren’t so poorly made. Some people on our staff are known to hoard ink pens, but the ones I’ve accumulated are those nobody seems to want.

I must make at least one clarification. Receiving interesting junk is in an entirely different category than receiving junk food. Over the years we’ve received lots of home baked goodies, and those treats are always appreciated. It’s just that food gifts are becoming increasingly rare.

No doubt the economy and the internet have helped cut down on the amount of junk mail I get. Still, it amazes me how many wastebaskets full of throwaways I’ve sent to the dump thus far this spring, even beyond what we’re able to recycle. More decisions lie ahead.

Spring cleanin’ isn’t easy. Junk to be thrown away is not to be confused with interesting junk. But defining what that means would require another column … and another nod to Andy Rooney.