Slug alert

The game suddenly stopped when one of my favorite 4-year-olds spied a bug. She stopped and screamed for her mommy while pointing to this little spec of nothing that was minding its own business.
I get it, of course. Pests are …well, pests. Anyone who ever gardens grapples with the realities of pests. Most pests want to eat your garden before you get the chance to. They destroy the prettiness of plants, chewing holes in leaves and similar havoc.

Pests are like a plague and a curse and, as such, are the inspiration for various monster cartoons, even movies. Ask any 4-year-old.
What’s your particular pest of choice? There’s nothing quite like a June bug that unwittingly maneuvers past your windshield to ping hard and splatter on your forehead as you ride a motorcycle. Or it’s that rather large brown spider scrambling to safety while you’re walking barefoot to bed and, thus, creeping into your dreams …or nightmares.
You might feel overwhelmed when broadening your scope to larger pests, a wide variety of rodents ranging from mice or rats to bats. But, at least, you usually can figure out where these are coming from.
Consider the slimy slug. Sometimes after carefully nurturing a host of hostas to maturity you realize you’ve invited slugs into your world. Slugs treat hostas like a smorgasbord.

Ever wonder where the first slug came from? Even if you don’t actually see them (or unexpectedly step on one), you can’t miss all those little slime trails leading across the sidewalk or driveway. Happy trails for a slug evidently is between the hostas and the dog’s feeding dish.
I’ve read up on ways to remove these little invertebrates. In our society of choice, it’s small wonder that there are numerous commercial products bidding for your dollar. But, at least in some cases, these products could be harmful to pets and other animals. I don’t particularly like cats, for instance, but I’m after slugs.
Smartypants strategically place a board (or some other flat object) on the ground overnight. Slugs supposedly crawl under the object for easy pickin’s the next morning. That involves touching them. Maybe you know some teenager looking for a summer job who’d like to play the role of Ghostbuster by reducing the amount of slime in your life for a small fee each trip. I don’t.
Some “experts” advise putting down sharp groundcover to repel slugs – like crushed eggshells or dried thistle. I guess the idea is that slugs move so slowly they can’t move away from something sharp before puncturing themselves. Nobody argues that slugs are smart.
Common sense, however, prevails. Slugs love beer almost as much as beer drinkers (I say almost because ask yourself this question: Have you ever talked to an inebriated slug?).  I read that it’s the yeast, not the sugar, that attracts slugs to brew. Once the slimy chaps realize there’s beer to be had, it becomes a regular slugfest.
I’m a teetotaler Baptist. But in the weeks to come if you bump into me carrying a 6-pack, just consider it proper notice of a Slug Alert. And don’t particularly worry …unless you see me buying a keg.