The waiting game

You’d think I’d have the hang of it by now. The waiting game.

Monday brought too much waiting. I awoke about 5:15 a.m. to a cell phone text informing me that we had no internet service at the office. That meant some publications normally sent to us electronically for printing were unreachable somewhere in cyberspace. After resetting the servers, I phoned our provider to report the service disruption — I didn’t chance waiting around for somebody else to complain.

I didn’t expect the usual “Please take a number… your call will be answered in the order it was received,” due to the early time of day. I didn’t expect to hear a real person either. So, I waited, listening to each recorded prompt and then realized we weren’t the only ones without internet. The recorded voice informed me, “We are aware your broadband service is out of order; please wait while we complete repairs.”

As if we had a choice. The week started with a “Get up and wait.”

So, we waited. It was tempting to call employees to advise them to just stay home — we’re that dependent on the internet. And so, as they each arrived, we all waited. Hours later (and after considerable shuffling to get some digital files delivered here by old-fashioned vehicle driving), the internet clicked back on and we were back in business.

I try keeping things in perspective.

This wasn’t as bad as the two hours spent in the dentist’s chair this past week, waiting for them to finish up prepping me for a new jaw tooth bridge. It wasn’t as bad as waiting for the hot water in the shower this morning which never came (the lime buildup in our water heater only delivers scalding hot or icy cold and I know which one I’ve come to expect).

The internet’s return was a lot quicker than waiting for our 3-year-old dog to mature from the frantically excited, frenzied pup that she is (relentlessly clawing at the patio door) to become the calm, friendly companion you’d prefer to greet as you arrive home.

My conclusion: Waiting …in line …on the phone …at the store … in school. Anywhere. No fun.

Unfortunately, the whole waiting experience is inevitable. It starts in preschool and is never-ending thereafter. Lines are a part of life – and not just the ones creeping in around my eyes and forehead.

At Christmas I waited in line to buy a new kitchen gadget called an Air-Daddy. It’s like a portable convection oven. It uses hot air to cook foods, the idea being a healthy alternative to frying. I got it all wrong. I expected microwave quickness. Nobody told me about the wait while the food actually cooks — 30 minutes or more to get some French fries. I like the food, can’t stand the wait.

I was 10 minutes late for my appointment to give blood at the Bloodmobile. So, they conspired to exaggerate my tardiness, forcing me to wait at every station along the way. I finally made it back home a full 45 minutes after my wife did despite our scheduled time with the “vampires” being the same. And I still had to wait on supper (but notice how I’ve wisely omitted any mention of waiting on my wife in any way …er, until now).

Then yesterday, you guessed it, the internet at the office went dead again. This time we were among the lucky few on a fiber circuit that was somehow cut near Albany. This time the wait for service to return was shorter than before. But, like I said, I just don’t have the hang of waiting patiently like we’re supposed to.

Blame it on a childhood trauma. I’d spent all but a dime of my allowance, waiting for my mom and sister to finish shopping at a mall in east KC, when it hit me. I needed a bathroom, and I couldn’t wait. Really. So, I bounded down the escalator toward the basement restrooms in a faraway store. It was the first time I confronted pay stalls. Entry would cost me my last dime. But, not knowing what to expect, I waited while wondering “What if you had to pay to get out again?”

Forced waiting can be painful, literally. That trauma is when I first realized how there’s always someone making a buck (or at least a dime) off the waiting game. I’ve hated waiting ever since. Maybe you’re better at the waiting game than me.

Nobody likes people who have no patience, especially those who unfairly jump to the front of the line. Oh, that’s not you, you say? So, be honest, are you one of those that sneak through the express lane at one of the big box stores when your cart contains more than the allotted 20 items?

Waiting. Maybe for the end of this column. You’re nearly there.

Hopefully some tidbit kept you reading and you weren’t waiting for something extraordinary. Maybe you’ve at least been distracted if not challenged or entertained. In a psychological sense, you aren’t really waiting when you are waiting if it doesn’t feel like you are waiting, correct?

Ponder that one awhile. I’ll wait for your answer …not!