Random humbug and loose tunes

All this hullabaloo about tax reform fits right in with the Christmas story, you know. Mary and Joseph were going back to Bethlehem due to the census — a prelude to taxes or, in the very least, how much to tax. We’d all be so much better off if the headlines kept focus on the reason for the season rather than all the spin-offs that make the mind wander.

For instance, we sing “to troll the ancient yuletide carol” …but the trolling I hear about these days involves those trolling the internet to mine bitcoin.

We sing to “don we now our gay apparel” … but does that mean somebody’s out to make a political statement? Is it fake news, singing how to make the yuletide gay?

I’ve never eaten “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire” …but perhaps I’ve experienced something better. One of our printing customers gave us a large sack of pecans (which already has lead to two fresh pies and counting!). I sure would rather croon over that sack of nuts than over a “partridge in a pear tree,” how ’bout you?

“Jack Frost nipping at your nose” … yep, every time I go to hang Christmas lights on our house. Anybody can decorate when it’s still warm right after Thanksgiving. But as the Ol’ Man Winter winds howl, it becomes a challenge to keep your temper with so many light bulbs burned out. What this country needs is a good string of Christmas lights that lasts more than one season. At times such as these, “All is (not) calm; all is (not) bright.”

Bah and humbug to all that, says I. Christmas is, after all, a birthday party and “There’s no place like home for the holidays.” So, why not have some dumb fun (and be thankful you don’t have to listen to what I’m singing in the shower while you wait your turn for the bathroom). Just trying humming “Deck the Halls” as you read through the following:

Shop at home and bring your plastic (Fa la la la la, la la la la)

Finding gifts is so fantastic (Fa la la la la, la la la la)

Frost Automotive for the guys (Fa la la la, Fa la la, la, la, la)

Need some more? See Pierce Supply (Fa la la la laa, la la, la, la).

See amazing deals before us (Fa la la la la, la la la la)

Elbert’s, Shopko, Dollar General (Fa la la la la, la la la la)

Buying shoes we’ll get at Foster’s (Fa la la la, Fa la la, la, la, la)

Toys at Terry’s or Truck & Tractor (Fa la la la laa, la la, la, la).

Santa sits at the Senior Center (Fa la la la la, la la la la)

Eating foods from Dungy’s Market (Fa la la la la, la la la la)

Cafe specials at the corner (Fa la la la, Fa la la, la, la, la)

Or on to Barton’s for a blender (Fa la la la laa, la la, la, la).

Subway gift cards, no big spender (Fa la la la la, la la la la)

Tacos at the Mexican restaurant (Fa la la la la, la la la la)

Celebrating with the masses (Fa la la la, Fa la la, la, la, la)

Happily our cash it passes (Fa la la la laa, la la, la, la).

Mailing out your family letter (Fa la la la la, la la la la)

While complaining ‘bout the weather (Fa la la la la, la la la la)

Sing we joyous all together (Fa la la la, Fa la la, la, la, la)

In an ugly Christmas sweater… (Fa la la la laa, la la, la, la)!

If you haven’t already turned the page to read something better, here’s a take on another old Christmas favorite, I swiped it off the internet (I only wish I were so clever). You should hum “White Christmas” as you read along:

I’m dreaming of an unplugged Christmas

Like all the Christmases of old

Where we’d sit and babble

Play a game of Scrabble

And no iPads bought or sold.

I’m dreaming of an unplugged Christmas

Just like our Christmas used to be

Grandpa read from the good book

There was no Kindle or Nook

And the only thing glowing was the tree.

I’m dreaming of an unplugged Christmas

Like before Google had arrived

Frosty was a new guy

There was no handy WiFi

No one texted… and tweets came from a bird.

I’m dreaming of an unplugged Christmas

Just like the ones we used to know

May your holidays be filled with love and cheer

And may you have a wonder-filled New Year!