Poosey Digest: Get Thee to the County Fair

Greetings from Poosey.

I’ve heard it rumored that there are a few folks out there who have children and actually make decisions on where the kids go and what they do. Sure, they’re dwindling. If you are the type of mom or dad who can actually determine your family’s activities, let me give you a bit a happy advice: Get Thee to the Big County Fair!

Yes, I know it’s likely to be hot, you may get rained on, you’ll get your shoes muddy, dusty or sticky, and flies may be difficult. Those are all first world problems, honey. Get thee to the fair.

My earliest recollections of county fairs are filled with the sights of neon lights, squashed lemons on the grass, carnival dogs, t-shirted-wearing carnies with cigarettes hanging out of the sides of their mouths, plus the sounds of competing speaker systems, the “Come right up!” of the carnival barkers, and the excited squeals of little girls at the Tilt-a-Whirl rounding the far curve. Then we started showing cattle at the fair and could actually stay overnight. The trick is to keep the steer from rolling over on you at 2 a.m.

But I tremble to imagine an entire generation of children who might live their whole lives never having seen “Magnito, The Electric Man” (a guy who held a fluorescent bulb between his hands and made it light up on command), “The Mummy” (“Gummy” is more like it since it resembled something you’d wipe off the bottom of your shoe), “The Oldest Woman in the World” (I think this was the lady we saw selling lemon shakeups the night before), and “The Four Headed Pig” (which happened to have died years earlier, but they were nice enough to stuff him and sew on three more heads). Yes, it’s cheap and tawdry but you’ll always get your money’s worth in the form of pure Americana.

“But Mommy, is the fair air-conditioned?”

No, honey.

“Is there something to eat?”

Yes, it’s the Big County Fair that once-a-year allows you to stuff yourself with sugar, salt, and grease.

“What if I don’t have any fun?”

Then you belong to your father’s side of the family.

And one more suggestion, cruise through the midway but visit the livestock barns. With such a tiny percentage of our population living on farms, this may be a great chance for your kids to see living, breathing animals. Those boys and girls down in the show barns appreciate someone taking an interest in their cattle and you can bet these are some of the most well behaved heifers you’ll ever find. And don’t forget the sheep. The kids in the sheep barn hardly ever get any visitors.

Although freak shows have pretty much passed into the land of wet sawdust and old corndogs, every carnival worth its cotton candy still has a fun house — a house of mirrors or trailer full of slanted floors and wind compressors. Take your little girl’s hand and go on in. Oh, it’ll be silly and cheap and a bit frayed around the corner but some day she’ll be able tell her own daughter about this thing called the Big County Fair that took place back before people refused to leave the house if the temperature crept above 80.

And if you still need more reason to patronize your local community by way of its county fair, think about the people. They may be clutching their cell phones as they climb aboard the Ferris wheel, but you’ll see the real flesh and blood faces of your neighbors and friends, not digital images on a screen. You will talk. I swear you will. Right there under the grandstand for the demolition derby you’ll run into someone you’ve not seen in ages, and as the local boys bang up their Uncle Pete’s Chevy, you’ll discover something that you’d nearly forgotten: real conversation.

Okay, download your videos, fly your family to the Bahamas, and install a home theatre. But at least once this summer, put little Johnny in a basket, threaten his older sister Suzie with grounding, then Get Thee to the Big County Fair!

You ever ’round Poosey, stop by. We may not answer the door but you’ll enjoy the trip.