What About Mom?

Greetings from Poosey.

Shelly said, “Freida, it was the worst mistake I’ve ever made. I should have lied.” She was home from her first two weeks of college and her mother had asked her an innocent question: “Shelly, what do you consider ‘home’ now? College or here?” The poor girl didn’t even think. She simply blurted out, “Well, college I guess.” She told me, “Freida, the look on Mom’s face. I didn’t realize what I’d said. It was like I’d slapped her. I’ve got to learn to lie.”

All colleges now have some sort of orientation events designed to ease the new student into the swing of college life. Some of these programs last for weeks and more and more institutions extend this welcoming routine through the entire first semester. College is now a buyer’s market and I assume the schools will do about anything to not only enroll but also retain the freshmen. And, of course, most of them quickly send an email to the parents telling them how to send care packages to their college student. We do a dandy job of easing the college frosh into their new situation, but what about Mom?

Our college kids are enmeshed in a whirlwind of school activities this month and some may have to scrounge to find a few minutes to call home …bad mistake. It’s dollars to donuts that the typical mother spends more time thinking about her offspring at college than Miss University does wondering what’s going on at home. Such is the life of a teenager and such, sadly, is the plight of the empty nest mother. So who provides orientation and counseling services for Mom?

A friend of mine said, “I spend my days staring at my cell phone. I don’t want to be a nag and call her all day long, but I wish she’d do a better job of keeping in touch.” The lady said she keeps wondering what her daughter is doing at any hour of the day. “It’s especially bad about 10 o’clock at night,” she said. “I’ve got a feeling she’s not getting ready for bed.”

Maybe support groups would help. Once a week a group of left-behind mothers could meet for coffee and share their angst. Mothers Anonymous. “Hello, my name is Julie and I haven’t heard from my daughter in two days.” The assembled moms could share pictures of the sons and daughters they’ve lost to the world of dorms and late night parties, reassuring each other that their heirs are too busy studying to be able to poke in mom’s phone number. A few of the more gullible or desperate mothers might actually believe this.

Or perhaps Dial-a-Daughter. For just 50 cents a minute the desperate mom could dial a 900 number manned by a staff of young ladies hoping to pick up some extra income by impersonating daughters of left-behind moms. Each mother would fill out an online form indicating the daughters likes, dislikes, and hobbies, then when mama calls in the tele-mommy-er would pull up that file and pretend to be the lady’s daughter for as long as mom wants to chat.

It’s no laughing matter. For seventeen or eighteen years this lady has lived life alongside her daughter …picking out prom gowns, gnawing fingernails through tight ball games, waiting by the phone after auditions, and waiting up late to discuss exciting evenings after her daughter had come home. She’s laughed with her, cried tears of sympathy, washed her socks, and planned graduation parties. Mom has suffered through crushed love affairs, giddy first days of school, on and off again friendships, dented fenders, and has been the buffer between daughter and Dad when Pop just doesn’t understand what it’s like to be a girl. She’s been doctor, counselor, peacemaker, and best friend. Now the girl goes to college and gets swept up in an exciting new world and Mom is left …well …behind.

For the first few days her daughter calls three times a day, then one, then every other day, and by the end of the first semester Mrs. Left-Behind is desperate to get one call a week. This is no job for sissies. She finds herself stalking her own daughter’s Facebook page just to see if her child has a new boyfriend, tattoo, or artificial limb.

Support higher education, beat the Chinese in the space race, win the football championship, but amid all this hoopla for the college kids let’s take a moment to pity the parents.

You ever ‘round Poosey, stop by. We may not answer the door but you’ll enjoy the trip.