by Freida Marie Crump
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Greetings from Poosey.
A couple of disturbing surveys were released this week. I read that two vital pillars of our society take a drastic slam in the summertime. Once the hot weather hits, both church attendance and blood donations take a severe dip. Some studies show that the number of butts in pews decrease by as much as 30% as the dual sirens of golf and vacations take their toll on attendance; some blood donation centers operate all summer with less than a day’s supply on hand. Last summer saw a record number of elective surgeries cancelled in the U.S. due to the lack of blood. The Red Cross needs 80,000 units available daily and this summer they’re operating on around 36,000.
Herb and I try to hit both church and the blood drives. Herb hates being stuck with a needle, but the prospect of a sweet young nurse leaning over him as she puts the rubber ball in his hand and saying, “Now, could you just give me a little squeeze?” more than overcomes his fears. In fact, it once spiked his blood pressure so high that he had to take a chair and wait on me to finish. To my knowledge this has never happened to him while sitting beside me in church.
So, I propose the Blood-and-Blessings-Mobile (BBM), a unit on wheels featuring beds with flat screen TV screens showing a church service with the denomination of your choice. Each traveling BBM will play a little organ prelude while you answer the questions about your recent blood transfusions. There’s nothing like a little Bach while you’re filling in the bubbles asking about your recent sexual activity. Then just as the nurse (nun’s habit provided for our bleeding Catholic brethren) starts drawing your vital fluids, the sermon will begin. Since this process happily coincides with the perfect 10-minute length of a sermon the timing should work out about right. They like to you stay there a moment before you rush off, just about the length of a closing hymn over your earphones. The orange juice and oatmeal cookie could serve as communion if you belong to one of the more liberal denominations. Our more conservative brethren could simply regard these goodies as “After Worship Fellowship.”
It wouldn’t take much effort for one of the Red Cross staff to shake your hand as you leave and the little donation pamphlet they give you could easily accommodate room for a few announcements and a prayer list. For those folks who only feel the presence of God when surrounded by a community of believers, double beds would be set up for you to both bleed and worship as one.
And since the blood of non-believers is every bit as valuable for your next liver operation, an alternate bed could show a short documentary on the life of Madeline Murray O’Hare or perhaps a short science film narrated by Stephen Hawking.
Another bothersome statistic is the fact that alcohol consumption goes up in the summer months. So, I’d propose parking the Blood-and-Blessings-Mobile right outside the taverns, being careful to catch the donors on the way in instead of as they leave. At least the customers would have the option of doing a little good before they party for the night.
No matter where they park the BBM, there’ll surely be benefit in praying while you donate blood for someone who’s praying that they’ll get it. It seems that over the years our churches have asked less and less of us, perhaps because they know that’s what we’re willing to give. But this idea would allow us to give the way many present-day Christians prefer it in a relatively painless manner.
There are at least a dozen reasons that come to mind on why I should have Herb shot, but one of his greatest assets is his adherence to the fact that you ought to be in church and that there’s no excuse for not giving blood if your medical history will allow it. It’s not often I get to feel some pride in the little weasel, but I can imagine myself smiling broadly as my husband enters his first Blood-and-Blessings-Mobile.
No matter the season, make time to give blood. You may be the answer to someone’s prayers. You ever ‘round Poosey, stop by. We may not answer the door but you’ll enjoy the trip.