The 9-Month Schedule

Greetings from Poosey.

Once upon a time in a faraway school system a wise old wizard dropped himself right in the middle of a faculty meeting. The school had often been visited by alien creatures …food inspectors, fire and safety folks, and an army of workshop leaders who’d teach the teachers how to teach the current governmental mandates, but they’d never been visited by a real live wizard.

“Shazam!” he shouted as he touched his staff down upon the stack of common core curriculum handouts. Even the junior high teachers who were accustomed to strange and dangerous creatures drew back in horror. The wizard drew himself up to his full stature and commanded, “Come with me!” and in the blink of an eye and a whiff of chalk dust the entire faculty was transported to a small bedroom. The math teacher looked out the window and saw that the sun was just coming up. “It’s morning!” she shouted. Said the wizard, “I know. I can do that.” And at that moment an alarm went off and a small figure began to stir underneath the covers.

“We’re in someone’s bedroom!” whispered the volleyball coach. “Good thinking, Coach,” said the Wizard. “And beginning now you will spend a day with Susan.” When Susan sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes she did not notice the crowd of teachers in her bedroom. A voice from downstairs: “Susan! It’s 5:30! Get yourself up and ready!”

“5:30?” asked the principal. “Isn’t that a little early?” Another voice from down the stairs: “You’ve got early bird choir practice at 6:30! You know how your director gets when you’re late!” Susan jumped from her bed, showered, then ran down the stairs with a head full of wetness and her mother handed her two warm Pop-Tarts then shuffled her into the family van.

“This is ridiculous,” said the basketball coach. The music teacher glared at him, “Like you don’t have early morning practices?” He frowned. “Yes, but that’s a sport.” The music teacher slapped him with a music folder just as the bell rang to begin the first period of the day. Hour after hour, class after class, the entire faculty followed Susan throughout her school day as she collected her assignments to be done by the next day’s class. When the last bell rang the drama teacher said, “Whew! That wore me out!” The wizard peered down from an imperial height and said, “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet, Bubba,” and the teachers were magically whisked down the hall to basketball practice. “I’m glad I don’t run laps any longer,” said the volleyball coach as Susan made her 12th circuit around the huge gymnasium.

When Susan ran out of the school her mother was there in the parking lot, motor running. “Hop in, sister! We’ve only got 20 minutes to get to dance class!” and she handed Susan a chicken salad sandwich and a bag of chips. They both knew that if you were late for dance class you were cut from the squad that was to perform at Disney World that summer. The sun had long since dipped below the western horizon by the time the dancers had finished for the night and the history teacher moaned, “Can we go home now?” The wizard looked at him and grinned. “Sure. As soon as play rehearsal is finished!” and the group sped on toward the theater for two more hours of work. It was ten p.m. by the time the tired teachers traipsed into Susan’s house. “I just want to go to bed,” complained the librarian. “Bed?” said the Wizard. “When do you think Susan has time to do her homework? The night has just begun!” and the faculty followed Susan up the stairs to her bedroom for a final hour’s worth of hitting the books.

Finally, the football coach had enough. “This is ridiculous!” he shouted. “Nobody can be expected to do their best work with this kind of schedule!” The baseball coach agreed. “Yeah! Somebody ought to cut the kid some slack!”

“Really?” said the Wizard. “And what is your response when one of your students tells you they have a conflict?” The basketball coach was the first to respond. “Well, they just don’t play the next game. You’ve got to have some rules.” “They run laps in volleyball if they miss a practice,” said Mrs. Set & Spike. The drama coach chimed in: “There’s no excuse for being late or missing a rehearsal. You’ve got to teach the kids to be responsible!”

The wizard could only stare at them in wonder and disbelief. “And who among you could keep up this schedule for nine months running?” The teachers and coaches stared at their shoelaces, happy that there are no such things as wizards.

You ever ‘round Poosey, stop by. We may not answer the door but you’ll enjoy the trip.