Poosey Digest: Respite to the wintry weather

Roscoe Peabody is crazy. Everybody in Poosey knows this. So when Roscoe built his platform in the branches of the soft maple tree of his front yard, took up residence in said tree with a sign saying, “Occupy Poosey!” we knew it was just Roscoe doing his radical thing. Roscoe once shot a candidate running for the Presidency. Actually, Roscoe simply shot the television set on which the candidate was appearing. His wife said that it was an old TV and they needed a new one anyway, but the 12-gauge shotgun didn’t do much good to the south wall of their living room.

Roscoe’s current tirade concerns the Congress. Monday he hung one of his wife’s bed sheets from a limb that hung out over the street. He’d painted on the sheet, “Our Congress are Traitors to America!” To anyone who’d stop and listen, Roscoe would shout out his diatribe from his tree house, “Our Congress should be arrested and tried for treason! They’ve put their party ahead of their country! Nothin’ is gettin’ done because of their selfishness. Arrest them now!” But of course, we all know that Roscoe is crazy.

Tuesday’s theme, hung on another linen sheet: “Don’t tell me that we should solve our Problums (Roscoe doesn’t spell well) through the democratic process of voting! Both parties are now owned by big-moneyed interests! There is not an honest person to vote for! The System is Busted!” Mrs. Peabody must have a queen-sized bed, thus providing her nutty husband with plenty of writing room. And of course, Roscoe is crazy.

By the time Wednesday rolled around the entire town had made it a habit of rolling by Roscoe’s place to check out his current rant. Roscoe did not disappoint: “Dear Congressperson… YOU ARE A LIAR!” He then shouted down to us that, “You each vow like blubbering babies that you want to do what’s best for our country then you refuse to compromise, the very thing that is needed to keep our democracy strong! I can walk down any street in this little town and find people of more honesty, more good will, and who will gladly sacrifice for their neighbor. You, Mr. Congressperson, are a lying nincompoop!” We smiled and drove on, because of course we know that Roscoe is nuts.

Thursday’s sign had an international flare: “Mr. Congressperson, you are shaming us in front of the entire world! The world laughs at your inability to get even the simplest things done due to your fear of losing campaign dollars!” Thursday was a two-sheeter, but of course Roscoe’s crazy, so who cares how much laundry he ruins?

Friday was tough since it rained that morning, but through the streaked paint on what looked like Mrs. Peabody’s last sheet, we read, “Mr. Congressperson, YOU are causing the sit-in’s and riots all over the nation!” Roscoe then hung to his branch in the rain to explain, “The Congress are cowards! Brave men and women are riskin’ their lives daily for this country and the Congress will not even risk losing a vote in the next election, even when the nation’s security is at stake!” We smiled, waved, and drove on, because we all knew that Roscoe is loony.

Saturday’s sign had us puzzled at first. Roscoe had run out of sheets and was forced to sew several of his wife’s dishtowels together to form a placard saying, “Mr. Congressperson, you are Weak!” His weekend speech went something like, “Instead of facing up to our very real problems, you’ve kicked every important can down the road for future generations to handle. This is no time for sissies and you are a wimp! Resign immediately and come find a job where you won’t be required to make any decisions!” Roscoe was growing crazier as the week progressed.

The Sabbath put Roscoe in a more elevated mood. His street hanging simply said, “Mr. Congressperson, you are not worthy to dust the feet of Lincoln’s monument!” Since we had a little extra time to listen to Roscoe on Sunday, his sermon became even more eloquent: “Look at the memorials to great men and women in Washington! Lincoln who knowing risked being reelected because he put the cause of the Union ahead of his need to get votes, who would sit at the telegraph office and weep at the news of the losses… Jefferson who tempered his own desires, to create a document with foresight enough to be relevant 200 years later… Washington, who with pure grit defeated the world’s most powerful army with the world’s weakest! You are not worthy of wiping their feet!”

It was an interesting week and it provided us with some respite to the wintry weather, but of course as we all know… Roscoe Peabody is crazy.

You ever in Poosey, stop by. We may not answer the door but you’ll enjoy the trip.