by Denny Banister
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Observations from a man turning 67:
· Girl’s shorts are much shorter.
· You wonder where the hair on your legs went.
· Your body gets brand new skin every three weeks, but it’s still old and wrinkled.
· Coffee no longer keeps you awake.
· Men call you sir and women call you honey.
· Driving 60 miles-an-hour on the interstate is fast enough, and everyone waves at you letting you know you’re ‘number one.’
· High school and college kids seem a lot younger than when you were in school.
· Girls still smile at you. Enjoy it, and just ignore the giggle they’re suppressing.
· Biceps hang down instead of bulge up. Wear t-shirts anyway.
· You wonder where the hair on your chest went.
· You have to pull the triple-folds of skin on your eyelids apart for an eye exam.
· You are vastly improved at forgetting people’s names.
· Seeing a movie evolved from actually going to the theater, to: waiting for it to come out on VCR; waiting to see it on a cable movie channel; waiting for it to be shown on mainstream television stations; waiting until it’s shown on the classic movie channel; and you still miss seeing it.
· Why do they say you’re long-in-the-tooth when your teeth are so short?
· It’s the pits. The hair under your arms moves to the tops of your shoulders.
· You no longer have a doctor, you have six of them.
· Don’t be depressed because you’re shrinking. At least your nose, ears and forehead are still growing.
· Yes, spider and varicose veins are ugly. Wear shorts anyway.
· You wonder how long eyebrow, nose and ear hair grow, and consider finding out.
· You always wake up early, except the few days you really need to.
While there are negatives being 67 years old, it’s not all bad. Girls’ shorts are much shorter.
(Editor’s note: Denny Banister of Jefferson City is the assistant director of public affairs for the Missouri Farm Bureau.)