Poosey Digest: Don’t be fooled by labels

Blame the Department of Commerce. Although I’m not sure what the government was doing in the business anyway, in 1983 the bureaucrats threw up their hands and removed all standard sizing of clothing. The result? A clothing manufacturer can label a dress or a shoe any size he wants… and if he’s smart, he’ll think small.

As if buying clothing weren’t confusing enough, the more expensive labels like Calvin Klein and Ralph Lauren have downsized their tagging to appeal to today’s larger ladies. A size 12 from a budget designer might come out an 8 if you pay enough. They even have a name for it: “vanity sizing.”

The average U.S. woman wears a size 14. (And at this point I’ll say goodbye to a few hundred readers.) According to Calvin Klein, that means a 42-inch bust, a 35-inch waist, and 44 inches on the hips. But Kmart’s numbers come out 40-33-43. It’s strange how you can loose that much weight by simply walking down the street to another store.

The folks who study such things say that a woman who needs a size 12 but can fit into an 8 gets a boost of self-esteem even though she knows it’s a trick. Some companies that cater to the larger gals have actually come up with a whole new number system using 0-5 as the range. Who couldn’t feel good wearing a size 4?

And of course all this comes at a time when women are encouraged to simply be who they are… with a bit of cheating, of course.

This vanity-voodoo isn’t limited to the female of the species. The shelves of the men’s health department of the drug store used to feature mainly talcum powder and stick deodorant. A stroll down today’s aisle will bring you to a plethora of products for male masquerading. Not only does Bubba have a choice of hundreds of ways to smell, but with a dab of lotion he can take the gray from his hair, remove the shadows under his eyes, and …well …you’ve seen the commercials for all sort of enhancement.

It’s sort of like the Russians in the 1950’s who when faced with an unflattering history, rewrote the history books. If you’re faced with reality and you don’t like it, simply put a new coat of paint on the reality… or label it with a smaller dress size.

Sometimes I wonder if Congress shouldn’t go into the dressmaking business. They’ve been doing “vanity sizing” for years. Yes, I know that by not raising the debt ceiling we’re in for another crisis, but it certainly changes the meaning of “ceiling.” Maybe they need to just invent a new dress size.

The monster of Social Security depletion has been looming on the horizon for the past several administrations but the mantra seems to be, “Ignore it. Pass it On. Change the Dress Size.”

When every vote is determined by “Will this get me elected?” it often becomes easier to change the label than put the patient on a diet.

Thomas Jefferson said that the cure for all this is a well-educated citizenry, but unfortunately Edward R. Murrow is dead. So is Walter Cronkite. What we’re left with is the huge and vital obligation of keeping ourselves educated, not be fooled by labels, and ignore those whose idea of fact-finding news is shouting for ratings. Two guys shouting at you on cable TV won’t affect your dress size one bit.

Back when the U.S. was the only big dog in the kennel we could get away with fooling ourselves, but there’s something about the specter of growing economies on the other side of the globe that should force us to wake and look in a mirror that doesn’t distort the image. We can’t go on changing the label on our dress.

My Aunt Dora never owned a scale. She was never terribly overweight, but as with most of us, the battle of her bulge was a lifetime tussle. When I asked her if owning a scale might help her keep better track of the poundage she pointed to an old house dress she kept hanging on the back of her bedroom door. “That’s my scale, Freida. I try on that dress every week and when I start straining against the seams, I know it’s time to diet.” Not bad advice for a waistline… or a nation.

You ever in Poosey, stop by. We may not answer the door but you’ll enjoy the trip.