Post Scripts: They Don’t Write Like This Anymore

I’d like to tell you about a book with this title written by my old friend, William H. Taft. He taught in the School of Journalism in the University of Missouri at Columbia for many years. He had so many titles, and was involved in so many different organizations, I can’t name them all. He was known as the Official Historian of the Missouri Press Association. Bill passed away in February at the age of 95. He had written at least 12 books and had nearly finished his last one when he died. He had suffered a stroke or something more, and was only able to use one hand, but that didn’t keep him from using his computer working on one more book. We kept in touch through email.

"They Don’t Write Like this Anymore" was compiled by Dr. Taft from clippings he had saved over may years, telling of how newspaper stories were written centuries ago. They used many vivid adjectives to excite the readers to keep people reading their stories. When editors found it necessary to fill a space on a page, they often clipped comments from other newspapers with a philosophy "if it fits the space it will solve the problem." I remember doing just that in my days of putting a newspaper together.

The following are some clippings I chose from his book.

Too Much Talking? A scolding woman, who had lost her teeth, asked a physician the reason she was still young and healthy. "I cannot assign any other reason," said he, "than that your tongue grated too much against them. – Lexington, Kentucky Gazette, Dec. 21, 1796

Better Check First? Wife – "Give me that letter you just opened. I can see it’s from a woman, and you turned pale when you looked at it." Hubby – "Here you are. It’s a bill from your dressmaker. Who wouldn’t turn pale?" – Detroit Evening News, Sept. 4, 1899

Plans for His Future: Old Gentleman – "What would you like to be when you grow up?" Boy – "I’d like to be a bricklayer." "That’s a commendable ambition. Why would you like to be a bricklayer?" "Cause there’s so many days you can’t work." – Emporia, Kan., Gazette, May 22, 1893

Helen Mathews Free. Judge Carter yesterday discharged Helen Mathews upon the charge of running a house of ill repute, as it was discovered that Helen really intended to join the matrimonial ranks. – Denver Post, Jan. 4, 1895

Often Read Announcement. Whereas Eleanor, the wife of the subscriber, hath eloped from my bed and board; this is to forewarn all persons from trusting her on my account, as I am determined to pay no debts on her contracting hereafter. Jacob Lightwood – Pennsylvania Gazette, Aug. 29, 1787

Horse Reacts. The genial grocer, Geo. P. Dunn, met with a peculiar accident at the Chautauqua grounds Tuesday evening which it is surprising was not more serious. While bridling a horse the animal reared, throwing Mr. Dunn under it and trampling on him several times, but fortunately breaking no bones. He says he prefers the night mare as a dream but not a reality. – Maysville, Mo., DeKalb County Herald, Aug. 8 1896 .

Spending Money, Too. A miser in New York is willing to marry if he can find a woman sufficiently economical. He proposes that to any woman who will be his lawful wife and legal spouse he will give her lodging and board, and on every third day he will give her five cents for spending money. – Chillicothe, Mo., Constitution, Feb. 8, 1891