by Freida Marie Crump
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Greetings from Poosey.
Somebody pointed me to an article about Amy Chua, the Chinese-American author who’s been irritating millions of readers with her book, "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother." The book’s been near the top of most bestseller lists, but if you want to save a few hours reading, it concerns the author’s attempt… and presumed success… at raising her two daughters with such rules as no sleepovers, no play dates, no grade lower than an A on report cards, no choosing your own extracurricular activities, no watching TV or playing computer games, and no ranking lower than number one in any subject. (Allowance made for drama class and gym.)
Chua writes of some pretty tough parenting methods including standing over them for hours at a time while they practiced their musical instruments, and returning a homemade birthday card to her daughter Lulu saying, "I want a better one."
The author is a Yale law professor and has an American husband who makes very few appearances in the book.
The outrage has been vicious from Internet bloggers and letters to her publisher, ranging from reporting her for child abuse to actual threats on her life. I’ve seen the lady interviewed and although she seems a nice enough gal, I’ve never asked her to a sleepover. She didn’t help her popularity any by writing an article in the Wall Street Journal entitled, "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior." Ouch.
We’re really not ready to hear yet another claim of Oriental supremacy.
And although both she and her daughters have gone on to explain at length (but with smaller headlines) that much of the book was written with a smile and that both mother and daughters laughed through most of the training episodes, the book continues to raise a stink in our world of "What would you like to do tonight, sweetheart?" and "Well, if the other kids have the new gadget then you should, too."
Daughter Lulu wrote a letter to the New York Times, showing her appreciation for mom’s parenting. She even said, "Yeah, that birthday card was pretty lame. I only took 10 seconds and didn’t even sharpen the pencil."
Whether or not the Tiger Mother was a tyrant, no one over 40 can help but see similarities between the Chinese method and the days of Ozzie and Harriet when America didn’t rank 31st in the international comparisons of math ability… and 17th in reading… and 23rd in science.
We’ve been told that our kids need encouragement, they need options, and they need self-esteem. Okay. But the longer I live, the more thankful I am that I wasn’t given a world of options, and that time and time again my parents made my choices for me. You WILL shut off the TV and do your homework, you WILL do your chores before you leave the house, you WILL get off the phone… it costs money!
I suppose that no one likes hearing the old "Back in my day." I know I didn’t when I was young. But there’s surely something significant in the fact the century of our nation’s greatest progress came time when a student’s main job was getting an education, not scrambling for a part-time job to pay a cell phone bill, not Twittering or Tweeting or building our "social network." Did we fool around? You betcha… but we were home by suppertime. Did we have options? I suppose so, but the choice of mustard or ketchup on our cheeseburger didn’t really affect our math scores. Many schools’ list of extra-curriculars today read like the day’s options on Carnival Cruise lines, designed in the fear that a student might actually have a week of school where all he does is… well… school.
I remember touring our local high school with a group of German exchange students some years ago. They were awestruck when we came to the largest room in the building, the basketball gymnasium. "The school pays for your playing around?" they asked in wonder, all products of an educational system where extra-curricular activities are all community-based and have nothing to do with tax dollars.
Bottom line: Would we settle for a nation of tough-disciplined families and a school system that was focused only on education? I wouldn’t bet on it, Tiger Mom.
You ever in Poosey, stop by. We may not answer the door but you’ll enjoy the trip.