Post Scripts: Sharing some laughter

One of the books I’ve been reading lately is Milton Berle’s Private Joke File. I can remember hearing him on radio and seeing him on television many years ago and enjoyed the book so much I thought I’d share some of his jokes with you.

He got his start as a child actor in silent films and went on to a career in vaudeville, musicals, movies and television. He helped make television a permanent fixture of the American family. Berle made guest appearances on television well into his nineties. He died in 2002.

Here are some of the jokes in his book that I enjoyed.

"Could you please send this valise to Chicago and send that two-suiter to Minneapolis and the garment bag back to Miami." "We can’t do that." "Why not, you did it last month?"

Two gents were sitting on a park bench discussing their likes and dislikes. Ken said: "I’m afraid to fly. I don’t believe planes are safe. Last week there was a great big train wreck and almost 400 people were killed." "No kidding, what happened?" "A plane fell on it" "How often do those big jets crash?" "Once I imagine."

Most of the airlines are cutting back. One no-frills airline has eliminated movies. Passengers just pass around pictures of their kids. If the Lord had wanted people to fly, he would have made it simpler to get to the airport.

After a harrowing flight, a passenger went over to the ticket agent and said: "If I were you, I’d tell the pilot to keep that little red light off. Every time he puts it on, it gets bumpy!"

A society lady goes to a florist and says,: "I need about ten dozen roses for my daughter’s coming out party." The florist says: "It’s none of my business, but what was she put away for?"

A man sees a lion in the jungle. The man falls to his knees and starts praying. Low and behold, the lion goes down on his knees next to him and also starts to pray. The man says: "It a miracle." The lion says: "Please don’t talk while I’m saying grace."

A man took his wife and mother-in-law for a Sunday drive. The women were sitting in the back seat and were the worst backseat drivers of all time. Do this, do that, don’t turn here. Stay closer to the right. The ladies wouldn’t shut up. After awhile they reached a railroad crossing, and as luck would have it, the car stalled in the middle of the tracks. In the distance a train approached. The husband said: "I got my end across, girls. Let me see what you can do with yours."

A mother’s milk is the best thing for babies. It’s nutritious, cheap, satisfying, and doesn’t make crumbs.

And last but not least. A woman was well into her pregnancy, as is obvious from her roundness. Wishing to involve her six year old son in the birth process, she asked: "What would you rather have, a boy or girl?" The boy said: "If it wouldn’t get you out of shape too much, how about a pony?"

I could go on and on but there wouldn’t be enough space to print them. If you want a good laugh get the book. Maybe the library carries it.