by Joe Snyder
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It is not long until Christmas but I didn’t want to write about that inspirational season yet. But hunting around for column material I ran across a collection of humorous things printed in church bulletins that were actually circulated. Thank God for church ladies with typewriters or computers who gave us these gems:
The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.
The sermon tonight: Jesus walks on the water. The sermon next week: Searching for Jesus.
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Remember in prayer those who are sick in our neighborhood. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
The pastor will preach his farewell message Sunday after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
At the evening service tonight the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"Come early and hear our choir practice.
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
A bean supper will be held at the church Tuesday evening. Music will follow.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. Potluck supper Sunday at 5 p.m. — prayer and medication will follow.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign last Sunday: "I upped my pledge – up yours."
Don’t let worry kill you off — let the church help.
The eighth grade pupils will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement Friday evening at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Ladies Bible class will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
Low Self-esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.