Post Scripts: Why most men are never depressed

I get depressed each time I look out the window of our apartment and realize I am in Texas. Not that Texas doesn’t have more than its share of attractions, and full of nice people. It’s just that I miss Gallatin and its people, particularly our old friends and neighbors – plus the newspaper office.

Still, I am not medically "depressed" far from it. Just the other day I came across an article that explains why most men are never depressed and it was so interesting I want to share it with you. Here goes!

Men are just happier people – what do you expect from such simple creatures? Our last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. You can be president. You will never be pregnant. You don’t have to wear a shirt to a water park.

Garage mechanics tell you the truth. The World is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is too icky.

You don’t have to stop and think which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. A wedding dress can cost $5,000 while a tux can be rented for $100. People never stare at your chest while you talk to them. An occasional belch is anticipated. New shoes don’t cut, or blister your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations never last longer than limited seconds. You know stuff about war and tanks. A week’s vacation takes only one suitcase. You can open all your jars without assistance. You get special credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your treasured friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You rarely have strap problems in public. You are somehow unable to see wrinkles in your clothing and everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for… years, perhaps even decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck!

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes for church – one color for all seasons does it. You can get away with wearing shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with your pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do your Christmas shopping for all 25 relatives on Dec. 24 in minutes. No wonder men are happier!

Send this column (not entirely original) to those women who can handle it and to those men who will enjoy reading it.