by Debbie Farmer
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As far as holidays go, it’s no surprise that Halloween has a bad image. I mean there are no talking bunnies or jolly elves or anything sentimental about it. Basically, it’s a holiday filled with, well, scary stuff. And it’s easy to understand that with all of those ghosts, goblins, and witches running around, why some parents might think it is inappropriate for children.
Well, I hate to break it to you, the real things that scare kids have nothing to do with Halloween.
If you don’t believe me, take a look at my son. When he was two years old, he went through a phase where we couldn’t use the remote control to open the garage door without him screaming. Eventually, I was able to piece together that the real problem was not that he didn’t like pulling into the garage. Oh noooo. But that what I saw as an automatic garage door, he saw as a giant monster’s mouth opening wide to gobble up our car. OK, I know what you’re thinking. But, hey, when you’re only two, this can be a very serious concern.
And I don’t need to tell you that, much like all things having to do with children, there’s no rhyme or reason to it. I mean, you just can never tell when something as innocent looking as, say, the plunger will scare the beejeezus out of a kid. It’s trial and error mostly.
But as a helpful guide, this Halloween I’ve made a list of what scares most kids, at least some time in their life:
Button down shirts.
The vacuum cleaner.
Being the last kid chosen for the team.
Shots.
Not making it down the stairs before the toilet stops flushing.
Thunder and lightning.
Words like "wreck" or "crash" or "accident."
Cooties.
A shadow, otherwise known as, "that scary dark thing that keeps following me around."
China-headed dolls.
White daisies on the bedroom wallpaper that look suspiciously like little evil faces.
Leaving shoes on the floor where a snake could crawl into them.
Being upstairs alone.
People laughing at you and you don’t know why.
The light-up map on the news weather report because if you stare at the border of your state long enough you’ll see the outline of the devil.
Open scissors.
The thing that hides behind the shower curtain.
Bugs crawling into your ear while you’re sleeping.
Anything that looks like, once was, or could possibly be mistaken for, a bee.
Blue food.
The squeaky sounds new shoes make.
Shampoo getting into your eyes.
Going up to bat for the first time.
Looking up and realizing you’re holding a stranger’s hand instead of your mom’s.
Clowns.
Socks lurking under the bed.
A plateful of lima beans.
Being the only kid in kindergarten dressed as a fluffy bunny on Halloween while everyone else is dressed up as a superhero.
Getting your hair cut.
Pinhead spiders.
Water going down the bathtub drain.
The end of the escalator that eats the stairs.
Pants with zippers.
Things that whoosh, pop, crackle or hiss.
Sure, it’s easy to laugh. But, face it, we all have our own personal fears, however silly they may be. I, myself, have several; the top two being elastic jeans and spiral perms.
However, the truly strange thing about this is that there are several things that don’t faze kids, things that all parents wish they’d be afraid off. Like, for instance, standing up on moving roller coasters or lighting fireworks. It’s crazy, but the very same kid who can climb up the rain gutter and do a back flip off the roof into the potted geraniums, won’t dare look into the back of his closet at night. It’s mind-boggling really.
But as far as Halloween goes, I’m not too worried about its effect on my children. Ghosts and witches and goblins – Ha! Ha! I say.
If you really want to scar a kid for life, try dressing up the bathroom plunger.