by Freida Marie Crump
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Greetin’s from the Ridge.
"Uh…excuse me. Is this…I mean…you know, is this…?"
"Heaven?"
"Well…yes."
"Yes. Yes it is. Your name?"
"Redbone. Harvey Redbone."
"Ah yes. I have it right here on my scroll. Coronary?"
"I don’t know. It all happened so fast. But…I mean…are you sure this is the place?"
"We don’t lie in Heaven."
"Oh. I should have known that. But I mean…I don’t see…."
"Clouds? You’ve been watching too many movies."
"No. I wasn’t looking for clouds. I just thought you’d have a copy of…you know…"
"You’re confusing me, Mr. Redbone. We have no copies of anything in Heaven. Everything’s an original."
"Sorry. But I thought they’d be listed here at the gate."
"You thought what would be listed?"
"The Ten Commandments."
"Why?"
"Why? Because they’re….well, you know…they’re the Ten Commandments."
"I know what they are. I just wondered why you thought we’d put them on display."
"Am I in trouble? Am I asking too many questions? I really don’t want to foul this up."
"You’re not in trouble but I have no idea why you’re so curious about having the Ten Commandments on display at the gates of Heaven."
"You see, just before I…uh…came here, we were having a big argument about the Ten Commandments being displayed in the rotunda of the judicial building in Montgomery, Alabama."
"I know. We watch the news up here. In fact, we cause a lot of it."
"But if it should be displayed in Alabama…"
"Who said that?"
"The Chief Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court. But he’s not the only one, you see. Thousands of Christians were marching around Montgomery when I…uh…you know…left."
"Frankly, in Heaven we’re not much impressed by the sign on the door. Although terribly concerned by what’s in the heart."
"But aren’t you impressed with a state that would publicly put God’s commandments on its front door?"
"Anybody can buy a monument or print a sign for the front door. We like to peek inside the front door and see how God’s law is applied from the bench. I really don’t want to get into a political argument here at the gates of Glory, but have you looked at the conviction rate for the various races? If somebody wants to make a stand for God, they might start with simple justice."
"That’s…uh…pretty impressive. Sorry I brought it up. You sure this won’t hurt my chances of getting in?"
"We don’t mind a little healthy controversy up here. It is irritating however when somebody says he takes a stand for God then accuses everyone who opposes him as being against God. Sort of gives our cause a bad name if you know what I mean."
"I can see that. But…uh…one more question."
"It’s your nickel."
"Speaking of signs…I thought you’d at least have the requirements to Heaven posted somewhere."
"This isn’t Six Flags, Harvey. We don’t have any ‘You must be this tall to ride this ride,’ signs. In fact, what it takes to get in here wouldn’t pass any constitutional test. Our entrance requirement is simple and politically incorrect. Now just follow me…and watch your step. We don’t have any signs."
You ever in Coonridge, stop by. We may not answer the door but you’ll enjoy the trip.