by Joe Snyder
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It has turned hot, and I mean hot, here in Texas. We have been setting records for heat already this Spring. I walk a mile and a-half every day but have begun taking my walk in the morning, rather than mid-afternoon, because of the intense heat. It’s strange, though.
Texans find a way to brag about the heat just as they do about everything else – including their special brand of politics.
I want to share a couple of items I’ve come across since Kathy and I moved here which deal with the hot weather:
A Texas Blessing:
Bless this house, oh Lord we cry.
Please keep it cool in mid-July
Bless the walls where termites dine,
While ants and roaches march in time.
Bless our yard where spiders pass,
The first ant castles in the grass.
Bless the garage, a home to please
Carpenter ants, ticks and fleas.
Bless the love bugs, two by two,
The gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.
Millions of creatures that fly or crawl,
In Texas, Lord, you’ve put them all!!
But this is home, and here we’ll stay,
So thank you Lord, for insect spray
Here’s more…
You know you are in Texas when…
a. The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
b. The fleas are whistling for the dogs.
c. The best parking spaces are determined by shade instead of distance.
d. Hot water comes out of both taps.
e. You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
f. The temperature drops below 95 and you feel chilly.
g. You discover in July it only takes two fingers to steer your car.
h. You discover you can get sunburned through the car window.
I .You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
j. You begin sweating at 7:30 a.m.
k. Your biggest wreck fear is you’ll get knocked out of your car and get fried on the pavement.
l. You become aware asphalt has a liquid state.
m. The potatoes come out of the ground cooked, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
n. Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.
o. The cows are giving evaporated milk.
Folks, it is HOT in Texas, plus this Spring we’ve had constant haze due to agricultural burning in Mexico, plus practically no rain in this area. The peach crop was over 90% destroyed by an early freeze, but aside from that everything’s fine.