Missouriana

by Jack Stapleton, Jr.

*An exciting consequence of having George W. Bush as President is that the United States gets a new and different enemy every week.

*With more and more airport security rules arriving almost daily, how soon will it be before passengers will be required to travel au naturel?

*The best spot for criminals attempting to escape public attention is the group of Democrats lining up to run for President next year.

*Viewers can detect a change to inclement weather that includes a major ice and snow storm by the smug expression on their TV weatherman’s face.

*Warning: If you don’t smoke, overeat or imbibe, you will soon learn the meaning of the word “lonely” when a group of your friends get together.

*Many economists believe the stock market will soon begin returning to record highs, a forecast that holds no significance to anyone other than believers in the tooth fairy.

*There comes a pause in Americans’ lives that’s known as the Christmas Gift-Return Season.