Missouriana

by Jack Stapleton, Jr.

*The overriding thought of many Christmas shoppers as they battle crowds, traffic and depleted merchandise is that they get to do the same thing next year.

*Proponents note that the $280 million Powerball lottery provides someone with lifelong security — and makes millions of Americans feel like losers.

*Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld warns North Korea that the U.S. can fight on two fronts: both chambers of the Republican controlled Congress.

*America fields the world’s best football, basketball and baseball teams but so far appears to be lagging behind Iraq in the game of hide-and-seek.

*The best excuse available for parents whose children complain they didn’t get everything they asked for on Christmas: Santa couldn’t land his sleigh in Missouri after a 16-inch snow.

*Not all adults no longer believe in Santa Claus, as witness the efforts of budget-plagued Governor Holden to mobilize the National Guard to tax him and everything in his sleigh.

*Politicians resemble children who promise to behave themselves during the New Year, with no intension of doing so.