Post Scripts: Welcome Relief

Many people, including quite a few Texans, will not be sorry to see two of their senators leaving office this year – and it has nothing to do with last week’s election. The two who will leave Congress are Phil Gramm and Dick Armey whose terms expire as this year ends.

Molly Ivins, one of my most favorite columnists, gives each a hearty hail and farewell with this comment: "What a barrel of knee-slapping fun they have been." Two of their most meanest moments was when Armey referred to Congressman Barney Frank of Massachusetts as "Barney Fag." Then there was that rib-tickling time when Gramm wanted to deny food stamps to elderly legal immigrants on the grounds that extending aid would only foster dependency, thereby inflicting " a new personal tragedy on the most vulnerable among us."

Down here they are known as the "Masters of Mean" and I haven’t heard anyone say they have been mis-labeled. To tell the truth, whenever I saw either of them being interviewed on TV, I changed channels. Their favorite joke I’m told, is that the 10 most dreaded words in the English language are "I’m from the government, and I’m here to help you." They built their careers by opposing just about everything government does to help people, constantly disparaging and attacking the institutional form of the people’s power.

The retirement of these two characters, along with that of Jesse Helms, marks the end of a particularly nasty form of politics. The outcome of the recent election I’ve been told, will result in a softer, warmer and fuzzier approach from Republicans. They plan to label it

"compassionate conservatism." At least that sounds better.

Armey is a no-compromise, free-market guy. He is so devoted to his free-market ideals he wants to abolish Social Security and the home mortgage deduction, along with the minimum wage. He once wrote a paper claiming that housewives are overpaid. Today, fewer "family" farmers get subsidies while the corporate farmers get bigger ones.

Gramm is fond of posing as a man for the little guy against the terrible Washington politicians who waste the hard-working taxpayer’s dollar. In fact, Gramm has been a servant of large corporations that routinely take advantage of Mr. Average American.

Some say he has the personality of a snapping turtle. He once said in a debate over Social Security: "Most people don’t have the luxury of living to be 80 years old, so its hard for me to feel sorry for them."

His tactics have not won him any friends among the politicians here. He is noted for letting other Texas congressmen do the work on getting federal projects and then stepping up to claim the credit when the project is okayed. A great crusader against government spending, he spent his entire life on government money. He was born in a military hospital, raised on his dad’s military pay, went to private school on military insurance money after his father died, taught at a state- supported school after getting a National Defense Scholarship to graduate school.

He once said mothers on welfare would be better off working for $2.50 an hour. He voted for an energy bill that greatly benefitted oil and gas companies at a time when he was getting more oil and gas money than any other member of the Senate. I wish I could say to you that Gramm is not typical of some Texas politicians, but I won’t. Armey and Gramm can retire with satisfaction and leave the wrecking ball to…, guess who?