by Jack Stapleton, Jr.
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by Jack Stapleton, Jr.
Every two years at this time of year, I find myself not only influenced but enveloped in what can most accurately be called The Dark Season. I’m referring to the return of what old-timers once called “God’s Time” — about the “loss” of an hour which means that for the next six months I’ll be going home under the cloak of darkness (which means it’s time to install new batteries in the flashlight I always use to locate the evening paper). Nor does The Dark Season refer to the usual funk that accompanies the middle of the University of Missouri’s football season.
The biennial Dark Season officially begins about the second or third week in October, just prior to November’s general elections. This is when the chances of being approached by a total stranger, who seems to know you extremely well, are unbelievably high and almost totally unavoidable.
Just the other evening as I was stooping over to retrieve the inserts that had dropped from one of the wife’s catalogs, I was taken aback by a jovial voice that boomed “Good evening, sir, may I help you pick up those inserts?”
It was an unfamiliar voice, but it rang with such cheer that I thought it belonged to a next-door neighbor or a lad from the Mormon Church who was anxious to share his religious views with a heathen Methodist. “I think I’ve go them all,” I answered hastily, afraid that the visitor might throw himself on the damp ground in the search for a printed offer from a detergent company.
“I hope you didn’t lose the personal message I left in your mailbox a few hours ago,” said the voice. “Nobody seemed at home and so I took the liberty of leaving you a message about November 5,” he said. “I’m sure it’s here,” I stammered, trying to assuage the concern in the visitor’s voice.
Holing out his hand, he offered “I’m Walter W. (Dub) Hargroove, and I’m your candidate for the State Legislature, glad to make your acquaintance.” “Thank you,” I said in a puzzled voice, “but I didn’t know I had a candidate for the Legislature.”
What followed was a concise 60-minute introduction of the visitor’s humble beginnings, a brief run-through of his academic background, and then an outstanding tribute to the American electoral system and how it plays an integral part in not only my life but in the lives of every member of my family. This was capped off by a detailed outline of the candidate’s beliefs on how representative government is best preserved in today’s challenging world, and then followed by an extensive litany of the speaker’s intended reforms once he is sworn into office.
My wife, who unknowingly enters T.D.S. without the slightest sign of trepidation, kept calling me from the kitchen with the announcement that “Dinner is ready,” a phrase she habitually makes louder and louder the more she announces it and finally caps it off with, “What on earth are you doing out there?”
Alarmed by the tone of her voice, the visitor took it upon himself to settle this intra-family contretemps by sticking his head in the door and announcing “I’m Walter W. (Dub) Hargroove, your candidate for the Sate Legislature, and I apologize for inconveniencing you and your husband,” then moved right along with the brief run-through of his academic background, then his outstanding tribute to the American electoral system and how it plays an integral part in the lives of all of us. By the time he got to his intended reforms once he was sworn in, we were able to recite it in unison.
Although Dub lost my wife’s vote, I think it’s only fair that I give him mine. I’ve been forbidden to check the mail for the remainder of The Dark Season.
[Missouri News & Editorial Service, Inc. Copyright (C) 2002 MNES Corp.]