Where is Kenny when we need him?

by Jack Stapleton, Jr.

Leave it to the biased, ultra-liberal news media, radical Democrats and ragtag elements of American labor, minorities and pinko professors to attempt to smear our honest, hard-working, lovable President with sly and false innuendoes concerning his perfectly legal sale years and years ago of stock in Harken Energy Corp. before it unexpectedly tanked.

Is there no shame among this group of slanderers who were rejected by discerning voters some two years ago in a landslide victory over their candidate, Al (The Bore) Gore?

If history is a repetitive process, what is clearly called for at this moment of crisis is what we long ago recommended: appointment of an independent counsel and convening of a federal grand jury to get to the bottom of President Bush’s perfectly legal business dealings in order that the good name of our leader is restored, once and for all, and so that we may proceed with his far- reaching vision for America’s future.

After all, why should our President be denied the full rights and privileges that were generously granted to his now-repudiated predecessor, none other than scandalous Bill Clinton and his wife, Hideous Hillary, when charges were leveled they had unfairly benefitted from a wild-eyed scheme to defraud the public over some godforsaken property along the Whitewater River in a remote and uncivilized area of Arkansas.

After all, those of us who would never dream of demeaning the Presidency of the United States with unproved charges of illegal and repugnant fraud undertook to restore the luster of American politics by calling for a thorough investigation of the obviously corrupt dealings of said Bill and Hillary. Many historians never forget that those of us interested in the integrity of the United States Constitution could do no less than demand the appointment of a nonpartisan federal prosecutor, like good old Ken Starr, and the convening of a jury of our peers to nip this egregious act of the Clintons in the bud, despite whatever it might cost unpatriotic taxpayers.

We were determined to find the facts about the innuendoes and charges leveled against Clinton, Hillary and those disreputable people they had allied themselves with, in their effort to defraud the good and decent citizens of Arkansas and even agencies of our beloved and sacred federal government.

The Whitewater deal was so smelly that only common sense called for a thorough investigation into how the Clintons managed to scrape up enough money to participate in this dangerous land scheme but also on those culprits they might have bribed to perpetrate this corruption against the good citizens of America. We supported the pursuit of this policy in the just and righteous belief in law and order in an effort to protect innocent people who might have been gullible enough to invest their hard-earned money in order to help finance the Clintons’ Machiavellian deeds. For all anyone knew at the time, this could have been an undercover effort by Osama bin Laden or other nefarious members of al-Quaida to undermine the entire U.S. economy, or at the very least, the good name of the Democratic Party and the few among its membership who are true Americans and who give more than lip service to all that is good and just in this world.

Never let it be said that our cause is simply to promote one political faith or one belief in how our federal government should impart its blessings on those who regularly attend the church of their choice, as long as it’s not some foreign ideology suspected of creating all the world’s problems and upholds the belief that only a special group will forever make it to the Pearly Gates ahead of enemy partisan infidels.

Even though the special prosecutor and federal grand jury could find no guilt of the above-mentioned culprits, deep down we know they were both guilty as sin, and let history show that we tried to protect their reputations with full scale disclosure. Our success in launching this investigation was not rewarded with a needed conviction of the notorious couple but it did clear the air for the eventually required impeachment process that was so obviously needed at the time to protect the good reputation of our nation and its honest, God-fearing corporate officers.

[Missouri News & Editorial Services, Inc. Copyright (C) 2002 MNES Corp.]