Missouriana

Quips by Jack Stapleton, Jr.

*If 90% of success is just showing up, maybe we should persuade some of our public officials to take the day off.

*The annual summertime TV schedule, now starting, consists of watching shows that were so bad we turned them off last winter.

*If the word “future” is ever taken out of commencement addresses, think of the deadly silence in school auditoriums across America.

*No wonder owners of the baseball club want to remain in St. Louis — think of the expense involved in changing team uniforms to “Kirkwood Kardinals.”

*If we watch enough TV, the good life eventually boils down to a new car, credit cards, clear-channel cell phones and daily trips to Wal-Mart.

*Surveys reveal Missourians are smoking more, exercising less and becoming heavier — all dangerous qualities for the heart of America.

*Why can’t weather forecasts also predict the number of tomorrow’s sneezes?