Misssouriana

Quips by Jack Stapleton, Jr.

*The nation’s economists still can’t agree whether the United States has been in a recession, but they hope to settle the question when they interview jobless workers.

*Congress passes a campaign reform law, but it won’t become effective until both parties issue ways for getting around its new restrictions.

*You’re getting older if you can remember the days when you weren’t allowed to wear your new Spring clothes until Easter Sunday.

*Studies show Americans become happiest when they buy a new car, while another survey contends the fastest way to bankruptcy is to do the same thing.

*However dismal conditions might seem in Washington, Americans can take some consolation that the emergencies are always worse on “West Wing.”

*Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has become the newest hit on U.S. television and the leading hit on screens in the Muslim world.

*It seems the only way to balance Missouri’s next state budget is for every citizen to gamble away his life savings.