It’s okay to cry; you are not alone

by Cathi Cranmer

Editor’s note: I am a mother of four and have worked in the healthcare profession in one way or another for a number of years. I was a certified nursing assistant in the late 70’s and a chiropractic assistant in the early 80’s and most of the 90’s. Now that we have reached into the new millennium, I find myself being very active in the quest for caregivers only because I have been there in many different ways. My grandmother died with cancer in 1992, my husband had a spinal cord injury, which resulted from an auto accident in 1980. He passed away in 1993. My grandfather is now being cared for in home by my aunt, who is doing a wonderful job. I hope that you enjoy reading these articles and can place yourselves within the hearts of those special caregivers. Maybe you yourself are a caregiver or know someone that you can associate with in some of the future stories.

As we start a new year, and as caregivers we start new challenges in our lives, we must know that we are not alone. Millions of Americans have the same questions and feelings that we do. Finding somewhere and someone to help answer the questions is the confusing part.

First, let’s define a caregiver. The term means “one that gives physical or emotional care to someone who is somewhat incapacitated and needs assistance.” The person needing assistance may be your husband who is suffering from cancer, your wife who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, a close family friend who has a traumatic brain injury from an auto accident, a grandparent with Parkinson’s disease , or even a child with a muscular disorder.

Whatever your situation, there are many questions that need to be answered and feelings that need to be sorted through. I hope that you will find some answers, some peace of mind and understanding of the challenges that may face you in the days to come. Remember that there are other caregivers feeling the same feelings. They, too, are searching for answers to questions that they don’t understand and meanings to words they don’t have a clue how to pronounce. They also need support from you and others in the search.

I have decided to write this column to assist you in your search to find some answers, maybe even to accepting those feelings. Knowing that it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to ask for a hug and it’s okay to ask for help.

We are all considered a caregiver, whether it is with our children or an older adult. Yes, how we take care of a small child is somewhat different than taking care of an older adult with a debilitating disease. But much is the same. As with a small child, you have to feed, bathe and assist them in getting dressed, yes, and even clean their bottoms after an unexpected accident.

We all need care at some point in our lives. What would we have done without the loving care of our parents or grandparents, the caregivers in our lives.

You will find that what you do as a caregiver is a very thankless job. But keep in mind that the goal is to provide the best quality care to that special person who has now trusted their life to you. You may be on an emotional roller coaster and your feelings will go from joy to tears, from anger to guilt in a mater of minutes. That’s okay, these are normal feelings. It is how you decide to handle these feelings that matters. Asking for help from another relative, a friend or a neighbor or a home care provider service is perfectly acceptable. You do not have to do this alone. Remember, “YOU ARE THE CAREGIVER.”

I am looking forward to hearing from you, please mail questions, stories, or comments to:

“Caregiver”, P.O. Box 109, Trenton, Mo. 64683. Or e-mail me at [email protected].