by Jack Stapleton, Jr.
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by Jack Stapleton, Jr.
According to the latest estimate, submitted by the 239th study committee of construction experts, bringing Missouri’s highway system up to grade will cost an estimated $187.63 billion, providing contractors’ workers are paid slave wages and the proposed improvements can be built before the next inflation index adds another $892.6 million as a result of next January’s increased-costs study. If the new system cannot be completed in less than one month, the estimated cost will jump to $562.79 billion.
Asked for comment on these latest road-improvement estimates, Missouri Department of No- Transportation (MoDoNoT) officials said they “seemed to be pretty much in the ballpark, give or take a few $50 billion errors we may have made in calculating the original plan first submitted during the Guy Park administration.” When asked for his name, the spokesperson identified himself as “George W. Gore,” although a search of records in the Division of Personnel failed to confirm this. Speculation in the Capital has it that the latest MoDoNoT spokesman was a “loser” or a practical joker who was a one-time member of the Singing Senators with former state Auditor-Attorney General-Governor-U.S. Senator-U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft, father of the state’s newest chief executive.
The governor’s office denied any knowledge of a George W. Gore, adding that the new chief executive stood by his campaign pledge to “move Missouri out of the disasters created by Democratic governors whose only idea to achieve better highways has been to provide increased revenue for the Department of No-Transportation. The governor is convinced the goal can be achieved by means other than throwing more money at new roads and bridges.”
Former Governor Bob Holden immediately took exception to the new governor’s charges, contending that “Democrats have presented numerous solutions to the highway mess, which by the way I inherited from previous Republican administrations, including the one I still favor: charging admission to all future gubernatorial inaugurations and inviting everyone in the state to take part.” Holden added, “I am convinced this plan would move Missouri out of its current state of collapse and not only provide better roadways but will also give citizens an opportunity to celebrate the inauguration of their new leader.”
A recent poll of members of the Missouri General Assembly merely confirmed earlier surveys pointing to widespread disagreement among members over solutions to the highway impasse. The legislative poll, with a 99.9 percent margin of error rate, breaks down this way:
Favor increasing user taxes: -34%
Favor waiting another year: 89%
Favor 114 new toll roads: -65%
Favor charging rest-stop admission: !23%
Favor another study group: 51%
Favor inauguration ceremony charges: 1%
Favor plan to blame Democrats: 50%
Favor plan to blame Republicans: 50%
Favor plan to reorganize MoDoNoT: 99.9%
Favor a new development plan: 101%
Favor impeaching statewide officials: 102%
Favor impeaching state legislators: 0%
A media conference called by MoDoNoT officials following publication of the latest poll included this news release: “Officials of the Missouri Department of No-Transportation, including members of the oversight commission, welcome this latest vote of confidence in the agency’s ability to restructure and improve at least three miles of Missouri’s disintegrating road system. Such heartening public support makes every MoDoNoT employee pause and give thanks for this magnificent outpouring of citizen confidence. We are particularly proud of the fact that this admittedly slow pace of new construction has made possible a greatly reduced number of detours and long delays for motorists. This saving of 56 cents per motorist will help citizens defray per capita costs of $179.87 each year in automobile repairs. We pledge to maintain and even improve on this splendid record of protecting motorists while their highway system makes progress into the next century, which will be here before your car is repaired — again.”
[Missouri News & Editorial Service, Inc. Copyright (C) 2001 MNES Corp.]