Missouriana

Quips by Jack Stapleton, Jr.

* A good Republican strategy would be to let the FBI handle all of the investigations into last November’s voting irregularities in Florida.

* No sooner had we learned to interpret Trent Lott’s southern accent, then we have to try to understand the vernacular of a senator from South Dakota.

* When he’s through with public service, Gov. Bob Holden can always write a book on how to entertain friends for only $100 million.

* Numerous Missouri legislators left for Florida right after last month’s adjournment in search of bargains on voting machines.

* One of the little noticed advantages of higher gas prices is fewer Missouri motorists will be using the state’s inadequate highways this summer.

* As if constantly being in the public eye weren’t bad enough for the Bush twins, they also have the added burden of a grandmother who speaks her mind on teenage drinking.

* Learning that Bob Hope was 98 was a shock, exceeded only by grandchildren asking who he was.