Coonridge Digest: To co-habit or not, that’s a good question

Greetin’s from the Ridge.

"Freida, you wanna co-habit?"

"We just had supper."

"Co-Habit. You don’t eat it, you do it. They just released the census report that said the number of unmarried couples livin’ together has increased 72% in the last ten years. It’s cohabitation." "It’s nonsense is what it is. That’s livin’ in sin, Herb." "Where’s the wild-eyed liberal when I need her?" "Happily married."

"Freida…"

"Okay, just married."

"Freida, it’s called ‘family diversity.’ Unmarried couples on their way toward marriage, single couples with no intention of marriage, same-sex partners…."

"You are purposely tryin’ to get me upset, aren’t you Herb? You found out I’d snuck the low-fat dressing into the old jar at supper and you’re just doin’ this to get back at me."

"Freida, the divorce rate is sky high. Think what a grievance we’d save on the national disposition if we had more folks take the car for a test drive before buyin’ it outright."

"This is what happens when you sneak out before Sunday School, Herb.

You’ve completely thrown your upbringin’ to the wind. I’m glad your mama ain’t alive to hear her son rant such heathen talk. You really want that, Herb? You want a country full of kids who’ve got to keep a scorecard on their bedroom wall just to remember who the daddy is this week?

Maybe you should buy stock in Hertz Rent-a-Truck. If we keep this up we’ll have the whole country switchin’ beds every couple of months.

It’ll give a whole new meanin’ to the term ‘mobile home.’ Tell the truth. Was it the Swiss steak? Too much tomato sauce again and you’re just tryin’ to…"

"I ain’t tryin’ to do nothin’, woman. ‘Cept maybe ask you to look at this situation with an enlightened eye. Things ain’t what they were. We ain’t got any right foistin’ our beliefs on others." "It was the onions then. Not enough onions? Herb, if I feed you onions before bedtime you . . ."

"It’s got nothin’ to do with your Swiss Steak! I’m just sayin’ that it might not be all bad to let folks sort of get used to each other. They make doctors spend years as interns before they’re allowed to disinfect your toenails. Good Lord, even a barber has to be trained a take a test.

But if you’re lookin’ to get married all you need is a spare fifteen minutes and a couple of bucks. If folks keep gettin’ hitched with no more commitment than a six-pack gives ‘em on a Saturday night, then maybe it’s time we let ‘em take a trial run." "It’s a slippery slope, Herbie. A slippery slope on a steep downhill grade. Turn on the TV tonight. Just count the happy couples." "Ozzie and Harriet never existed, Freida." "They did in my mind. And our parents’. Lord, I can remember the time when two unmarried folks livin’ together was the scandal of the neighborhood. Now they teach kindergarten and . . ." "There you go again, old girl. Judge not lest you be…" "How could you tell it was low-fat salad dressing? I even added sugar."

"It’s got nothin’ to do with the derned supper, Freida! Look, how about we just co-habit for a while and give it a try." "How about a non-habitation? Your cousin Fred’s got that spare room." "We’ll just pretend like we’re not married for a bit. See if things change."

"I’ve already tried it."

"When?"

"Every time you come up with one of these lame-brained ideas to irritate me. I spend the whole next day pretended we’re not married.

Herb, I spent the entire Nixon administration pretendin’ we weren’t married…the way you’d defended that man in public!" "I’m just sayin’ it’s a new world we’re livin’ in and we gotta be open-minded and go with the flow! I have spoken, Freida! Tomorrow we’re gonna try somethin’ different!"

"You’re not kiddin’. We’re eatin’ out." You ever in Coonridge, stop by. We may not answer the door, but you’ll enjoy the trip.