Missouriana

Quips by Jack Stapleton, Jr.

*Athletes’ autographs are expensive, but new records have been set in Missouri’s Capitol by lawmakers wiling to trade millions of taxpayers’ money for Cardinal signatures.

*The St. Louis Cardinal manager is permitted to address lawmakers from the speaker’s podium, a hallowed spot ordinary taxpayers can only view from cheap bleacher seats.

*The failure of rising rivers to engulf Missouri has been a disappointment for TV cameramen who at the least were hoping for a few drowning shots.

*It may not be much of a tourist attraction, but can’t Missourians gain at least some advantage in harboring the World’s Largest Sinus Headache?

*This is about as good as American politics can get: a new President who is still unknown to voters and total silence from the candidate he defeated.

*Slowly but surely there are now five seasons emerging in America’s climate: Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall and Sweeps Week.

*The basic problem with Missouri’s highway system is that it’s the only one we’ve got.