Missouriana

Quips by Jack Stapleton, Jr.

*Americans won’t become really concerned about recent outbreaks of foot-in-mouth disease until they discover where hamburgers come from.

*Missouri reportedly has the second worst highways in the U.S. Survey crews will reveal the most dangerous bridges as soon as their trucks are salvaged.

*Judging from recent stock market disasters, it seems obvious there’s a significant need for much more tech in high tech stocks.

*President Bush has handled the crisis with China very well so far, but in the future he needs to avoid saying, “You’re gonna make Dick Cheney mad!”

*Missouri could resolve its highway deterioration problem like every American handles finances: charge it to a credit card.

*Even if you’re convinced your favorite baseball team will win the World Series, it’s always a relief when they finally win their first game of the new season.

*Politicians will never be universally popular until they pass laws making every week “sweeps” for TV networks.