Missouriana

Quips by Jack Stapleton, Jr.

*One of the unappreciated benefits of the holiday season is getting to know the friendly folks who run the gift-return departments.

*Al Gore’s next campaign song could be titled “It’s Time for the Sun to Shine on the Sunshine State or I’ll file an Appeal With the Supreme Court.”

*More than two million ballots cast on Nov. 7 were thrown out so we may never really know if President Bartlet succeeded in winning a second term to the “West Wing.”

*Nothing erases the bad memories of hot, humid, uncomfortable Missouri summers more than cold, snowy, uncomfortable Missouri winters.

*If Alexander Bell invented the telephone than who invented “Good evening, sir, have you ever thought what would happen to your loved ones if you died?”

*Modern technology is wonderful but millions are still waiting for a dot-com that will take down all the Christmas decorations.

*If Bill Clinton and John Ashcroft opened a law firm they would have clients coming left and right.