Coonridge Digest: We’ll get along fine

Greetin’s from the Ridge.

I’m gettin’ to like this place. America, I mean. And if for no other reason than it’s not a thing like one big happy family.

Take the Burlsons. Jake Burlson was about as mean an old man as Coonridge has ever tolerated. He was crooked as a dog’s hind leg and absolutely lived his life to beat somebody out of a nickel. Burt never trusted another soul and he raised a family on bickerin’ and shoutin’.

When they finally put Burt in a home for the terminally irritating, there wasn’t a soul outside of the preacher who’d come to see him and that included Burt’s own family. His two boys are both divorced, havin’ no instruction whatsoever on how a family should get along, and to my knowledge his was the only funeral where they had to hire pallbearers.

In a family, one bad egg at the top can pretty near ruin an entire crate.

Thank God America’s never been like that. Whether we elect a philanderer or wise man, prophet or fool, we tend not to let it affect the everyday goin’s on of the country. Business thrives as well under a moral weasel as a saint. In fact, the laughin’ hand of fate sometimes gives us a better deal under the guidance of a playboy. It’s no mystery as to why. The character of America has always been Americans, not its leaders.

Oh sure, there’s lots to be said for havin’ inspirin’ role models but when none are available, we do pretty well. The character of America rests with Americans.

Moe Staley had a social disorder. Back in the days before more polite diagnosis, we called him a drunk. When Moe was sober he was for all the world the town’s most lovin’ daddy, but when the old man got a snoot full, the family’s life just stopped dead in its tracks. Nobody moved, spoke, nor breathed heavy when Moe was drunk. When the head of the family went haywire, the family’s very being ran and hid in the nearest corner.

Our government can make monumental errors in judgment and the nation somehow goes on. Our elected leaders can guess wrong by billions of bucks yet somehow we survive, make up for their lack of foresight, and keep on keepin’ on. Thank God our nation isn’t like a family. We can survive missteps in the top ranks and we don’t have to hunker down in our corners until the storm passes. The character of America rests in Americans.

My Aunt Florence told me that when things would dull of a Saturday night in town, folks would park down in front of the Bradforton’s to watch the show. Every weekend night, sure as clockwork, the fireworks would start. Dead dogs would raise a startled ear as Eunice and Harry commenced their weekly wars. Sometimes their warfare would begin in the kitchen then move like Patton’s Fifth Army through the livin’ room and end up in the parlor. Some nights they’d commence their screamin’ out on the porch and they’d just leave it there, no matter the size of the assembled crowd. Around nine o’clock they’d finish, we’d applaud and go home.

Eunice and Harry didn’t seem to mind at all. They thrived on it. For a lark we once elected ’em co-heads of the church building committee. We were lookin’ for candidates already hardened to controversy.

Our political parties can wrangle, dispute, bushwhack, and bellyache ’til their fillers get bustered but somehow the nation carries on. They can posture ’til they resemble Hollywood actors, and put a spin on things that’d be the envy of the Yankee pitchers, but in the end we know that it’s us that make the real cogs of nationhood twirl. America will always be known for its Americans. And thank God for that.

Most folks I know — and I suspect you know the same type — are as honest as the day is long. Most folks I know would rather have a conscious clear night’s sleep than a dishonest thousand bucks in their pocket. As the lobbyists converge upon Washington to oil the wheels of legislative committees, we stand morally unaffected. The heads of our state may be lookin’ for campaign cash, but most of us are simply lookin’ for a way to get by and if it’s possible, help somebody else out along the way. The strength of America lies in the hearts of Americans.

You ask me, there’s a lot to be said for a vague but considerable distrust of government. If I believe in somebody totally, I’m too tempted to follow ’em down any path they think is right for me. When I keep a wary eye, I usually come out a whole lot better. Honor thy father and thy mother, but he whom ye elect, be thou skeptical.

Eat your turkey, down your pie, and give your good family a hug. And while you’re at it, give thanks for a country known first, foremost, and forever for its citizens.

You ever in Coonridge, stop by. We may not answer the door, but you’ll enjoy the trip.