Post Scripts: The life of a slow learner

For a guy who is a slow learner, my new computer has been a real challenge. There have been days when I thought I might have to go to the elementary school and have the kids teach me a thing or two about this marvelous machine. Thank goodness I have some friends who deliver me from suicidal attitudes. I am in their debt!

When the "I Love You" virus launched an attack on computers worldwide, I thought, "Oh, no."

I immediately turned on my computer, and instead of an explosion or a horrible, scary, sexy screen, everything appeared normal. There have been two other such attacks and I have decided the PC (for you other slow learners, PC stands for personal computer) and the Internet have become indispensable while remaining indefensible.

The truly amazing thing about these attacks is that none of them were developed by computer geniuses. They were rather simple "viruses" thought up by some young guys seeking to cause trouble for idiots like me. Then I noted what one magazine writer, John Dvorak, wrote: "This is the kind of thing that’s great for keeping journalists busy on a slow news day. I’ve never seen anything get so much ink." He was saying it certainly beats going up in a clock tower and picking off sidewalk targets.

The problem is, the personal computer and the Internet are both revolutionary, yet very vulnerable. Both are less than a generation old and comparatively primitive, like the automobile and the telephone early in their evolution. Yet the nature of computing allows all kinds of people (even slow learners like me) to do interesting things in ways once thought impossible.

PC’s were created for a single user. Then along came the Internet and all of a sudden nearly everybody with a PC was hooked up with everybody else. Even a slow learner like me understands that today it is hard to know what is going on in my computer and who might be inside it. A teenager can knock out hundreds of operating systems in a few minutes of mischief.

How do we retaliate? We don’t. Computers can’t.

I am trying to ignore the problem and just have fun. I have always loved National Geographic magazine, so I now have on my computer every single issue since 1880! I can browse through 180,000 great photographs, 9,400 fascinating articles — over 192,000 pages in all. A warehouse full of Geographics, all on four DVD discs you can hold between thumb and forefinger!

I also have an encyclopedia on three regular CD’s that replaces a 20-volume set of Colliers encyclopedias in a basement bookcase. I share this great news with you, not to boast but to illustrate how valuable, fantastic, educational and entertaining a computer programmed with "the right stuff" can be.

As I recall, when I was born I was crying and everybody else in the room was smiling. Today, when I’m at the computer and try to demonstrate something I’m proud of — and hit the wrong button — everybody cries. I warned you I was a slow learner.