Let’s play ‘twenty (campaign) questions’

Some readers may not be familiar with a game show quite popular back in the pre-color, 1950s- TV era known as “Twenty Questions.” Contestants were asked to identify a subject that was animal, vegetable or mineral. The show wasn’t anything special by today’s standards, or for that matter even back then. But it was gratefully utilized by many desperate parents whose children had long grown restless during a seemingly endless vacation trip.

A version of “Twenty Questions” returns every time an election campaign is launched. Voters are asked to identify the candidate who wants to be chosen our next president, senator, governor or legislator. The correct answer is no longer designated as animal or vegetable (although some would fit this latter category). Instead, the correct answer is identified as a Democrat or Republican or some minor species. Voters are then asked to choose the candidate they believe will make the best official based on the limited information available.

The problem with this 20-question exercise is that most voters don’t know the appropriate questions to ask to learn the identity of the correct choice. This can be dangerous. After countless wrong guesses, many will abandon the process entirely. This is pretty much the crisis situation we are facing today.

In the event you have joined the group of the perpetually puzzled and perplexed, here are questions you can ask the next political player who desperately needs your vote to be a winner. Let’s say the subject wants to represent you in Jefferson City for the next four years. Here are 20 questions you can ask to determine whether he is (party) animal, (wilted) vegetable or (stoned) mineral:

1. Can you identify one quality that makes you the best candidate in the campaign?

2. List the most important duty of the public office you are seeking.

3. As an elected representative of the public, do you believe you have a greater responsibility to represent the views of your constituents or your conscience?

4. How long do you wish to remain in public office and will you forego seeking a different or higher office until completion of your present term?

5. Will you make an effort to keep your constituents informed of your actions in office and will you solicit their views throughout your term?

6. Where is the money for your campaign coming from and will you make their names available to everyone?

7. List your public policy goals in the order of their importance.

8. Will you devote sufficient time to study the appropriation requests of state agencies for each fiscal year?

9. Will you promise not to support or vote on any proposed change in government until you have read and thoroughly understood the consequences?

10. Do you plan to establish ironclad rules regarding your acceptance of free meals provided by lobbyists, special interest and others who may solicit your support or assistance?

11. Will you base your tenure in office on loyalty to all constituents or the decisions of a majority of members of your political party?

12. Do you accept the constitutional declaration the most important function of our state is public education?

13. State your views on how to resolve the state’s new-highway construction crisis.

14. How should our state respond to the unmet health-care needs of its citizens?

15. Do you believe we are winning the war on drugs and, if not, what remedies can you offer to mitigate and then resolve this dilemma?

16. Will you make every effort to see that all taxes collected from the public are levied proportionately to taxpayers’ income?

17. Do you agree not to accept any contribution, gift or other reward from any individual, organization or commercial venture beyond your constituency boundaries?

18. Will you make an effort to unify the state by working to mitigate and eliminate urban-rural differences?

19. Do you pledge to oppose with every means possible any attempt to enrich or reward one segment of our population, one geographical area or any commercial or economic interest at the expense of the rest of our state?

20. Have you read every word of the state constitution, and if not, will you promise to read it before you continue your campaign?

I suspect there may not have been more than a handful of candidates in the history of our state who could have aced the 20-question test above, but I also believe that a surprising number of successful and failed candidates for public service could have passed a version modified to conform to contemporary standards.

Just imagine how much greater our democracy might have been had every candidate of this generation been able to distinguish between animal, vegetable and mineral — or between human beings, personal glory and special interests.

Anyone for Twenty (Campaign) Questions?

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