Columnist Jack Stapleton, Jr. on the quips and quirks of Missourians.
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by Jack Stapleton, Jr.
*Social Security recipients will get a monthly $19 increase starting Jan. 1, giving retirees something to anticipate in addition to the Y2K bug.
*The science of technology is wonderful, allowing stock market investors immediate access to the best buys on Wall Street and almost as rapid an opportunity to lose their shirts.
*Congress has at last agreed on how to spend the federal budget: half to lower taxes, half to defense, half to run the government, half to home-town projects and half to emergencies.
*With the chance of receiving federal campaign money, it’s difficult for some to decide whether to buy a lottery ticket or enter the Reform Party nomination sweepstakes.
*Vice-President Al Gore says his best chance of winning the Democratic nomination lies in the South. Provided he hasn’t lied too much in the North.
*Now that the U.S. Senate has rejected the test ban treaty, the best chance for world peace rests with our sworn enemies being blown up in their nuclear laboratories.
*A pessimist is someone who believes the optimist who contends we are living in the best of all possible worlds.