Missouriana

Missouriana

by Jack Stapleton, Jr.

* If Senators Ashcroft and Bond are guilty of throwing a fast ball to strike out a federal judicial appointee as critics charge, would they consider helping out the Cardinals next year?

* Times change. Before his recent veto was overridden, Governor Carnahan couldn’t lose. And before Kurt Warner, the St. Louis Rams couldn’t win.

* Maybe it’s unfair to accuse Vice President Gore of being stiff. He may just be suffering muscle fatigue from looking over his shoulder to see if Bill Bradley is gaining.

* One of the nice things about having someone like Jesse Ventura in politics is that the media never has to look for anything more sensationally absurd than his last statement.

* When Bill Clinton asks for money these days, it’s not clear whether he needs to pay his lawyers, send Hillary off to New York, or find a home in Little Rock.

* Ambivalence is something experienced by anyone living in rural Missouri who is asked to pray for rain but not until farmers finish harvest.

* If you’re anticipating next year’s elections, you are probably someone who likes dentists and proctologists.