Jack Stapleton’s weekly quips and comments


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by Jack Stapleton

*An old-timer is someone who can remember when the only gunmen out to kill American kids and minority, racial and religious groups were named Hitler, Mussolini and Hirohito.

*Concerned citizens are worried about overuse of the term hate crimes. It will probably have to do until there’s an increase in love crimes.

*About the only sure-fire way these days to determine if a candidate is lying is to notice if his lips are moving.

Iowans have always enjoyed a special reputation, adding to it with their recent caucus which made politicians pay for their crimes before committing them.

*If you want to be realistic about it, the two men who have rescued America’s pastime from obscurity still can’t rescue their own baseball teams from being losers.

*Karl Marx had it all wrong: capitalistic societies won’t fail because of corruption but because some stock market day-trader punches the wrong computer button.

*The only way politicians can make headlines these days is when they raise a lot of campaign money before the election or spend a lot of taxpayer money after it.