Missouriana

* The only way the St. Louis Cardinals can get a winning season is to offer to name a stretch of highway after any pitcher who can win five games.

* The best way to avoid a prison term for vehicular manslaughter is to hire the best lawyer in town or play professional football.

* The popularity of George W. Bush only makes it clear that the less the American public knows about its politicians, the happier every one is.

* Even Democrats are feeling sorry for all the Republican presidential candidates who have exerted so much time and effort trying to beat the Bush.

* Can you even begin to imagine the delight of the poor printer who was recently stuck with an order for 100,000 copies of the Ten Commandments?

* An optimist is someone who thinks the Ten Commandments in congressional offices will change the way members behave.

* An honest congressman is one who promises to filibuster when the vote is taken on the commandment against adultery.