Missouriana

by Jack Stapleton, Jr.

*The Ashcroft-Carnahan race for U.S. Senate has descended to such a low point that both sides are now arguing over whether they agreed not to argue.

*To handle the Rams’ Super Bowl playoffs, additional tax funds must be spent on the St. Louis domed stadium. This is known as losing when you win.

*An American is someone who no longer finds it strange to learn that a former presidential mistress has just lost 30 pounds.

*Presidential debates are called helpful to voters because they illustrate the candidates’ differences and whether they married attractive or ugly women.

*It’s important to note the opening of the Missouri General Assembly to enable voters to get a good grasp on both the issues and their pocketbooks.

*Christmas is over but many still wonder who received the Neiman Marcus gift, at a cost of $75,000, to fly to Australia to hunt crocodiles.

*It’s election year so if you can’t say anything nice about a candidate, be sure to contact his opponent.